Kevin_is_a_pirate's Xanga

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07/27/11--17:08: Vacation. (chan 2166588)

If I keep drinking the way I do mixing alcohol with pills I won't make it to see winter and I dream about the snow flakes falling in your hair.

And if I quit drinking I won't make it through the summer sweating fifty hour shifts, missing all my favorite bands going home and breaking down because I can't afford

my phone. Unemployed for weeks on end and all I wanted tonight was a beer to unwind after todays twelve hour shift unloading other peoples shit. Hey hey hey and 

I'll be gone in 6 months moving far away and all my friends have to say is "fuck it I'm just staying in tonight". hey hey hey and I'll be gone in six months and all i've

got to say is i'll be 21 in an unfamiliar town knowing no one cares I left that town. She's telling me drinkings gunna kill me so far it's the only thing keeping me alive, if

you don't want to see me drown than stop asking me to dive. And I can't dramatically crash my car because I don't even have the gas to drive, life's not playing out

like the movies told me, I'm not some quirky independent movie type. I'm just sad and lonely even though they're all around me. I swat at them like flies but they

don't understand. They think they help, they think they know why my jaws grinding, when they say they know, they shout they know, I'll get better. I dance all alone,

but I'm not alone these vultures eat me, down to the bones where I'm rotting and ugly. I smile when they leave, or when they surrender and hand me a bottle.




09/06/11--18:57: I'm gunna sleep in today. (chan 2166588)

I'm gunna sleep in today,

I'm gunna sleep in tomorrow.

I'm gunna drink all day,

I'm gunna drow out my sorrow.

I'm really not that sad,

I'm just so fucking depressed,

I'm aware of my selfishness,

I'm glad you're so happy,

I'm pretty happy that I'm sad.

I'm capable of transforming my problems into words,

You can keep your happiness,

You can keep your steady job

You can keep your distance from me

I'm such a fucking slob.

You can call me a bastard,

I'm aware it's so fucking true.

You can never know what it's like to have parents that have tried to murder you.

I'm so fucking self conscious,

I'm so fucking aloof,

You ask me why I drink my problems away,

I'm trying to explain my problems are a levy,

You're Katrina,

I'm not sure I can keep you at bay.




09/14/11--18:09: I'm no fucking poet. (chan 2166588)

I want to be a poet, but I'm not a poet,

And my poems show it.

I can't find the words to make anyone love me,

No one will rub my tummy, No one will fill my belly.

My words mean nothing, I have no complex metaphors written into my prose,

Like some model trying to strike a pose, I hope I don't end up a prostitute,

Selling my body and my words for money.

I wanna make some new friends,

That are like my old friends,

God damn I miss my old friends,

I miss what it felt like to be American on 9/11.

I'll never forget, I'll never forgive

Any of my blood relatives, for the things they have done,

To my mind and my body,

Yeah I've still got that scar from where you cut me,

but I don't care about my body,

That's how much you fucked my mind up.

All I should care about is my body,

But I don't care about anybody,

But we all know that isn't true.

Because I still Curse you,

I still wish I could love you,

But you aren't you.

You're a fucking shadow, you've become so shallow,

My words aren't art, My words aren't poetry,

They're just how I feel,

And I don't wanna feel anything,

But all I feel is nothing.

Some people ask me, If I drink to feel happy.

I drink just to feel, I can't remember what it feels to be sad. 

To worry about math scores,

I just worry that I'm to sore

That I'm to fucking cranky,

That I'm to fucking old.

I'm about to be 21,

And I'll be the true son.

The perfect embodiment of his bipolar genes,

And her narcissism.

I'll be what everyone in my family always wanted to be,

I'll be nothing like who I want to be.

And I know that you almost killed me,

Almost two years ago,

But I don't blame you,

I can't deal with myself,

or my lack of wealth,

or my drinking habit,

or how good I am at it.

I'm so bad at poetry, 

I hope you thinking nothing of me,

But then you'd be like me,

and no fucking body, should ever be like me.




10/27/11--19:45: Life's not so bad at all. (chan 2166588)

I know I piss and moan alot on here, write shitty depressing poetry or weird stories,

But I finally got around to that taking charge of my life shit.

Aaaaaand, *drumroll here* I've decided to go to college in boston for an HVAC certificate.

15 bucks out the gate and I know a few people in the HVAC field so getting a job after college will be easy.

That's really all for now.




11/09/11--21:22: How much do you "like" me? (chan 2166588)

What worth does a "like" hold, or a recommend or a reblog or whatever?

I could shred my soul to pieces trying to understand the human condition.

I could spend thousands of years building a society for the better.

but all it takes is one girls cleavage to receive a million "likes"

Are talk about sex drugs and and pop culture really that important?

What would make you "like" me, Love me, die for me?

What is it that made Gandhi so popular and loved?

Would those traits make you love me today?

I am the human spirit, but I don't know who I am.

If I get one "like" from someone who likes what I'm saying, does that hold more worth than someone who "likes"

a photo of a girl taking a self shot duckface in the

mirror showing her tits off?

How do we measure our emotion?

 Will you read this, smile, nod your head, agree, disagree, like,reblog,retweet, re what the fuck ever?

if you do will you even understand what I'm spewing?




11/28/11--18:50: Music and Liquor (chan 2166588)

Day by day things start to change 

I regret feeling sorry about myself and my addiction 

because the beer and the liquor got me on that self help shit quicker.

I don't need antidepressants if my minds so blurry it sings.

I can't wipe this smile off my face, you can keep hating while you sit in the same place.

This time next year I'm gunna be on that salary shit, while all you doubters start to quit,

your part time minimum wage jobs, you fucking uptight apple snobs.

I know you think my drinking brought me down.

My drinking kept me from a rope around my neck.

It kept a fire burning in my hearts fireplace.

It's the feeling that keeps me from drowning in sorrow

the feeling that lets me know there will be a tomorrow.

So fuck all your "I think you should quit drinking" knee jerk reactions.

Because my words are as loud as my actions.

As I pound these beers back, I pound on these keys and all you doubters will fall on your knees,

"oh please Kevin please, drinking is bad"

Tell that to my sober Bi-polar dad, whose mind got destroyed by dealing with you clones and your sermons for drones.

I'm not saying it's a means to an end, or giving excuse for me to depend,

but if I expect to see my own end before the clock strikes 12 on old Big Ben,

I'll be making sure to live my own way, regardless of what you pillpopping,weed smoking, hypocrites say.




12/18/11--21:36: I died on my boat. (chan 2166588)

I've been lost at sea for years now

I've finally found the words to tell you I love you.

These seagulls that I follow will never lead me to shore

The way my love led me away from your heart.

The whore, the liar, the thief they all exist in me,

and you will never know the bastard I've become,

Self loathing enlightened, piss, shit, terrifyingly frightened 

The crows that peck my stomach have belly's as full as an alcoholic twenty something poet,

Did I break the fourth wall there?

For all my cleverness I could never find the right rock to turn over to find the female that understood my endeavours,

I'll come across as the bird pecking at any worm but I'm far from the early bird.

The early bird can have whatever worm he damn well pleases, but I need some sort of security in knowing she's right for me.

So when I put her in my mouth and make her squirm I know she's what I've been searching for.

Do you think that I'm pretty? The way I fly and I sing?

I've got some news I'm just a rat with wings.

I lap at puddles of alcohol, and then I'll hump at your leg, I'll bark and roll over for your attention then I'll bite your children.

I'm not a man or a werewolf, I'm a dog chasing cars,

I don't follow my men or my maps, I just follow the stars.

The ocean is deep and I'm shallow, my words ring true but they're hollow.

I'm an Olympic swimmer but I drown in my sorrow.

I'm Robin Hood my lust is an arrow, and your heart is my target.

I'm so smart that you forget, I will be your next regret.

The ships filling with water the men take your life boats but I've been going down long before this.

If you're my ship I'd glady go down with you. I put on my best outfit and I see you in yours.

Even though I'm sure to die I've never seen you look so good, alas my love your body's made of wood.

And I'm flesh blood and misery, so don't regret loving me it helps me as the water fills my lungs.

It's hard to see the tears in my eyes as the sea surrounds us and the bubbles flee my throat,

but I assure you I'm calling out your name through space and time I'll say that I was fine,

but I've always screamed your name.

You're my S.S. whatever 

Goddamn I'm so clever.




12/25/11--23:54: I've been let loose (chan 2166588)

I've been let loose on all of the peons, mindless moronic, I've seen the tree tops.

The mountains one hell of a hike for your tiny legs, I flew up with one stretch of my mighty wings.

The beauty I've seen has covered the earth, while you eat and shit living off of the dirt.

I've found a way to make my words golden, you stand there holding you're dog eaten homework,

Excuse me did I belittle you there? Fight back the shakes with the dog's morning hair.

Alcoholic references that you won't understand, twelve more hours until I cannot stand.

I've met a girl of such dangerous looks, I soak up Medusa in my mythos books.

Her smile split me,ripped me in such utter twain, I catch her eyes as the moon wanes.

There is a heretic outside my soul, my body he does control, he urges me primal,

I hit denial, but her frame fills me with smiles, I've never seen the female form move with such elegance.

She robs me of all of my eloquence. 

My mind sputters out visions of our romantic adventures,

from diapers to dentures.

This woman's frame I'll hold till I, am turned to dust by old man time.

She brings out my poet, my caveman, my stoic,

My words, my lust, will all combust and I will live for you if only you'd take me, I'd let your soul rape me.




01/20/12--10:09: Stigmatizing (chan 2166588)

Staring out the dorm window, the cities full and I'm alone.

Blood drips off my knuckles and spreads out on my sheets, I press my tongue to my cheek.

I curse the demons in my head, I pray for angels in my bed,

Their curves and wings caught up in my horns.

I've learned the language of the dead, but these words are the only thing keeping me alive.

Someone says " I love you dear", but they say it with such fear.

These mortals whisper secret lullabies, asleep they live and dream they're kings.

I smile on and drink my wine, I've become content with time.

My cups half empty, my cups half full.

I smash the cup and inhale the fumes.

I watch my house burn down and think of you.

I smile my damnedest, accept my brand and I move.




01/24/12--18:09: Salt Water Nights (chan 2166588)

I sit consumed

and I stare up at the influence.

I bounce in and out of my consciousness.

I begin to black out and go back to the sea.

Back to the night she sat across from me, our words are lost to time,

but for years this image has made my heart rhyme.

She smiles sweetly and I know desire,

acoustic sounds ring out next to the fire.

I snap back and I'm alone on this couch, watching an hourglass bleed out.

"Take me back." I pray.

I close my eyes and smell the sea, and just like that she's back to me.

Someone purrs in my ear,

"Hey there cutie, it's cold in here let's head back to my bed for a beer."

But I'm no longer on that couch, I'm at the beach outside that house.

Her mouth moves and I can't recall the words.

I can still see those lips forming verbs.

I wake up on the couch.

The taste of salt water on my mouth.