Kevin_is_a_pirate's Xanga

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03/18/10--13:07: Bomb the music industry! (chan 2166588)

Seeing them tonight for the third time haven't slept in two days because God of War 3 just doesn't want me to.
Fighting sleep with coke.
Diet coke that is.
My mind works in the weirdest ways when I don't sleep.



04/02/10--17:48: I ain't no virgin, I was fucked from the start. (chan 2166588)

I know I said I'd quit drinking this winter
but I was just april's foolin you all
because spring time is for the sun and flowers
not my drunken passed out cryin' showers
I can't enjoy the sugary smell of babys breath
but I sure as hell can drink the air right out of my chest
and fill it with treasured times of broken friends.
I'm 80 oz underweight
and with these two bottles I've made a date.
By this time tomorrow I'll need 80 oz more
and yeah I used to love her but she became a whore
or maybe I'm just saying that but I'm not that bitter.
Yeah I can't even be an under-achiever because I'm not technically a quitter.
I swear I'm not stupid they say I deserve double A's
but I'm not drunk that often
I just love wasting away.
And sunshine baby,sunshine!
It's smiling through the tree's
It's blinding me with fire
but I think I should be free
To pick an occupation, or pick a brand new dance
Because eloquence is overrated, and these are my new pants.
So sure baby we could lie and say we miss each other.
But I've got a brand new bottle and you've got someone to smother.


04/04/10--08:44: I need you more than ever (chan 2166588)

I need a girl that can stand my stupid rambling.
My idealistic talks of living, scrambling.
Sure I just added two more letters and it's not much different
but there's got to be a way to live that's not a nine to five.
There's got to be a way to swim without needing to dive.
Maybe I'm making shit up just to rhyme
but I'm running out of booze and we're running out of time.
So why talk nonsense and why waste our lives working
When we could be drinking or singing and living counter productively
Yeah you can say I live behind the pen
and poetry's not living but you'd be wrong again.
I'm not the best at anything but I swear to god I make it look good while I do it.
There's not a silver lining without a cloud and for that I'm fucking proud.
Maybe I'm not you're knight in shining armor because it rusted long ago
But I'm the kid who keeps warm when the fire's lost it's glow.
And maybe there's no reason to throw a party tonight.
But for you my friend I'll smile until the moon is devoured by the suns sun shinny light.
I know it's quite unfair to be such a bother but I need a girl tonight who's not to fond of others.
Social redemption is your only chance when buggered down by bullshit and who's got the coolest pants.
Social networkings the greatest way to do nothing and get famous but I'll be living in the woods
Before I let the "maybe I could've's" become the "maybe I should."
And yeah Dying doesn't sound pretty but it's the best shot that I have
Maybe I wouldn't be such an asshole If I'd had a better dad.
But circumstances and regrets are all I've ever had.
And bottles that are empty are the only hope that I have.
And drinkings not an answer but what course do you take?
When your every living moment is a moment not awake.
Yeah you've destroyed a counter culture
But you haven't destroyed my lonely mother
You haven't destroyed my lonely heart
you haven't destroyed my lonely bottle
you're the reason why I exist but devil, oh devil you're not taking the soul out of me.
I've taken steps to ensure I end up alone but not broken.
I might not have have the greatest smile
but my teeth are white enough to reflect sunlight on my own soul.
It's time to die or time to dry these cold salt water tears from my eyes
but I'm sure that I'll find a girl who understands what a lover is
and what it is to have a dream,a goal, a fucking plan in life
that isn't rat raced 9-5.
Love takes no holidays
And I swear it's all I have.
From every pour I sweat love
There's got to be a girl out there that understands.





04/07/10--21:22: The stars burn the firmament (chan 2166588)

Sleeps been eating out my mind
and I'm dreaming of you.
Let's walk away towards separate beds.
I'm growing fonder
of sleeping all day.
I'm losing sleep
and in a nightmare I lay.
I've counted entire flocks just to see your face.
I sheepishly shy away
you endlessly drift away
The cars swerving and I'm losing control
The world is spinning now
The clouds all blur together
Someone will stop us now, Someone will stop us now, Someone will stop us now, Someone will stop us now.
The cups half empty but I'm filling it up
My body's broken and they're draining my blood.
I've counted entire flocks just to see your face.
Entire herds stare in awe as we dance with grace.
Puppets with strings cut loose
Our bodies free for the first time,we move.
Stars go supernova just to illuminate your frame.
A perfect symphony as I fade away.
My body's shaking and my heart starts to slow.
Once more you take my hand and laugh.
I've counted entire flocks just to see your face.
We've got mere moments and I'm making them last
The moon is waning and the clouds explode
Out side I'm choking and I'm losing my hold
But with you I share my one last kiss
There's never been a life I thought I would miss.


05/08/10--21:11: just making this up (chan 2166588)

So the shit's hitting the fan
and I'm lacking some sort of plan
but I'm drowning myself in some hollow bottle
I'm making plans but they're for tomorrow
christ I'm lonely living all alone
but I'm without a spine and I'm scared to pick a bone.
I'd really like to live
but I'm without a home
on and on and on and forever
I'd say that I've lived but you'd say that I've never
I drank myself to death tonight
but the crows on my stomach wouldn't squawk tonight
If I didn't admit I'm not so bright.
The stars! The Stars! they're exploding right
before your eyes and im no sight
cuz lover I've destroyed myself
I'm no book yet on a shelf I find myself
and onwards death and lack of wealth
but I'm dying
and I can't wield my words
for anything but mending swords
Death be my lifeline
so poisons my drink
if life by thy lover
then death be my brink.





05/11/10--19:59: Yeah I miss you to (chan 2166588)

He called me up one day when I was just a little boy.
He said he was gunna kill himself.
I cried and held my favorite toy.
and I put the barrel to my head
and I pulled the trigger twice,
the popcaps rang out loud
and my ear shattered
so how can you call yourself my dad?
so how can you call yourself my dad?
It's my god forsaken right to be happy
It's my god forsaken right to be sad
 it's my god forsaken right to be manic depressive
it's my god forsaken right to be just like my dad.
He never showed me how to throw a baseball
He never showed me how to shave
He hever showed me how to drive
but his genes sure fucked up my brain.




06/27/10--00:11: You'll Always Be A Loser (chan 2166588)

Looking back I realize I've been foolish.
I used to believe love was the most important thing in the world, I thought if you tried hard enough it would never fade. Looking back I realize I didn't practice what I preached at all, Sure I loved someone more than I thought would ever be possible but with my social anxiety and my general apathy I didn't show that person anything that I believed in. I treated that person like shit because I'm a shitty person. I'm actually happy to think that someone else can be happy without me. Growing up really fucking sucks to quote a song, but it's better to grow up alone and unhappy then to pretend someone else was happy with me. I made myself look weak last summer, but shit I realized I was weak this summer. I guess I can just take comfort in the fact that my sad stupid ranting wont be taken seriously shit I don't take it all to serious myself. Cheers.




07/19/10--08:19: Life is a joke (chan 2166588)

We're on a floating rock flying around a giant ball of fire with a floating rock flying around us. We don't understand where we came from or where we're going or how it's going to end. We believe that there is a person or people much like us or very different from us that watch us and listen and respond or react or don't. We think that when we die we get to join these people and live again with them or get punished for our actions in life or we think we get reborn to go fly around on the rock some more. We believe we are superior to everything with the exception of the people that watch us. We believe we are superior to the rock we are on. We destroy it for it's shiny rocks which we wear for fashion. We destroy it for metals which we use to build machines that are built for the purpose of cutting down trees so that we can build more factory's to make machines which can build more machines that destroy other things. We purchase land. We actually work our entire lives to give paper to someone to receive another piece of paper that says that we own a piece of the rock. Wars are fought over all of these things. People actually kill other people because they think that the person watching them is the right person to believe in, or they want more of the rock which we believe we own. We believe our personality's are unique and that we have some control over it. We don't like to believe that what we wear what we eat how we think is because of how men in suits advertise their products to us. We like to believe we have free will. We don't like to think about how our brain is a machine that subconsciously weighs cause and affect and determines the course of action that we take. We like to think we're important. This site is a good example. We like to write about our lives and we pretend that other people care about the things we say. We are all addicts. We foam at the mouth for the new    I-gadget that gets shoved into our faces and throw away our old ones then complain that the world is full of waste. We believe that our lives are hard. It's so unfair he gets this or she gets that. That's all we do is complain. We're not thankful that we are living in amazing circumstances by history's standards. We don't appreciate that we live in a time in history where anesthetics exist. I don't know I'm done ranting for now I guess I need a beer.




07/21/10--20:38: Does anyone remember (chan 2166588)

Does anyone remember what the stars even look like anymore. I know a quick google search will bring up thousands of images but the fact that, that is so much easier than walking outside and looking up into the sky makes me really feel sick.




07/28/10--11:35: Sometimes ( I'm some sort of poet) (chan 2166588)

Sometimes when I open my eyes I find myself in a field surrounded by fireflies.




and I know that I'm crazy once again.




So what if my brain is a fever, so what if I want to stare at the sun, so what if my blood runs cold so what if I'm scared to grow old.




This towns not fucking big enough so lets just burn it down, your name echoes in my heart and it starts to resound.




We used to be good friends, we used to be the best, but you shoved that blade through my spine and it shattered in my chest. I know that I've gone crazy when I scream "love is just a chemical." You all used to mean the world to me but that's so hypocritical, because I'd love to see the world burn down and I've love to see her bridal gown. It will be white I know but it's the color of cocaine not snow. She was a drug to me and that's all she'll ever be. She'll fill you full of honey then leave you to the bee's. "You're beautiful boy!" the cry in unimaginative unison, but they can't see my mind is turned to maggots. and that's all I've ever been. The sun splashes across her face and I cry for my little sister. I hope her smile is never painted on with inks and pens by priests that sin. If all I ever do is frown anymore why do they kick down my door? They claim that I'm some sort of poet, but girls I'm disaster with a pen. My words might be some sort of ocean but trust me you don't know how to swim. My eyes are a marathon runner when my mind begins to think, the salt I lose is quickly replaced when I drown in my own bottle still hoping I can see her face. If I only I could think about my future and not see shadows from my past.




08/26/10--18:59: My interview to be a cast member on jersey shore (chan 2166588)

                                                          My interview to be a Cast Member of "Jersey Shore"


"Mr. uhm...Bearcats?" the mtv executive said quizzically. "That's what they call me"  I said with my words.  I  saw that look she was giving me she wanted me, there was a reason she had called me into her office out of all the other candidates to be a new roomate on the shore. "Well there's a reason I called you in here out of everyone else. " Bingo, right on the dot or nose or you whatever you get the picture. "Well you were drinking something out of a flask and began sobbing softly and muttering to yourself I assumed you needed medical attention "Oh so that's how she wanted to play it. "Yeah well you know I'm a big fan of the show I like to think I'm already part of it." "You also urinated your pants or you would have if you had been wearing pants but you seem to have taken them off and folded them neatly on the ground before proceeding to then urinate on your pants." "Oh that" I said laughing for roughly five minutes before staring blankly at her for another few minutes I needed to test her mettle see what she was made of. "Sir?" "Well baby I could give you an answer or I could show you." "No" "but it's really very interest-" "No thank you it's fine really" "all i have to do is left my leg like thi-" "Do you want to be on the show or not" "OH MY GOD YES PLEASE,I said with my devil may care attitude" "excuse me?" she looked very confused "did you just narrate yourself?" "Oh yeah that I do that sometimes which is why I'd be perfect for the shore you don't even need to use that narrator I can do it for free." "We don't have a narrator, Sir have you even watched the show?" "No" I admitted "I don't own a television" I winked at her with my right eye then my left then licked my lips then nodded. "Then how do you even" "Look let's stop playing games. I'm perfect for this show you know it I know it we're wasting time. Time that could be spent Fist pumping with the situation, Gelling my hair with Pauly D, dancing with Snooki." "How do you know so much about the show if you haven't even seen it" She couldn't control her lust any longer she was practicly foaming at the mouth for my knowledge of things.

(didn't finish this far to lazy but there will be more)




10/07/10--10:08: Kevin is dead (chan 2166588)

My name is Kevin and I'm dead, not metaphorically but literally. I don't know where Hollywood get's off glamorizing the dead as beautiful pale skinned gods of love. Then again I guess I'm not really a vampire. I'm just your average zombie. I'm not completely mindless however, infact I'd go so far as to say that I'm still more intelligent than your average 19 year old, admittedly that's not saying much. Back when I was human I used to notice kids my age seemed more like zombies than I am now, getting the latest I-gadget and mindlessly following each others social updates. I don't always miss being human but I miss certain carnal pleasures. Without getting too graphic one specific part of my body that I could consider a close friend due to the amount of time I've invested in him isn't really so much fun without pumping blood. I miss my memorys not that I don't have any. I guess that's one of the many pitfalls of havinga rotting brain, you can remember who your best friend was and most of the things you did together but not what his name is or what his face looks like. I miss alcohol, I can still drink sure but it doesn't have the same effect having no blood and all. I dislike the taste so there's no point in drinking socially especially since I have no friends. Sure I know, I'm a zombie right I'm part of some large scale union of zombies schuffling around and moaning for brains right? Nope, I was awkward in life and I'm awkward in uhm, unlife? Not only that but zombies make for terrible company we have abhorred vocabulary's.So we make for terrible conversationalists.

 

Short story I began writing awhile back not sure if I should finish it any thoughts?




10/21/10--14:16: Help a kid out? (chan 2166588)

So I'm trying to raise up money to go visit my brave who's a marine. He's currently stationed in North Carolina and before he goes oversea's I'm trying to do odd jobs here and there for the cash but I need to get my plane ticket by next week. I'm not one for begging but fuck it this could be the last time I see my friend so anyone want to help a kid out?




10/21/10--14:17: Help a kid out? (chan 2166588)

So I'm trying to raise up money to go visit my brave who's a marine. He's currently stationed in North Carolina and before he goes oversea's I'm trying to do odd jobs here and there for the cash but I need to get my plane ticket by next week. I'm not one for begging but fuck it this could be the last time I see my friend so anyone want to help a kid out?

(shit even if you can't rec this maybe some can toss me a buck or two)




10/27/10--14:54: Pre-birthday poem (chan 2166588)

(From a couple months before I turned twenty, THE GOOD OLD TIMES AM I RIGHT?)

Greater men than I have made their lives into sacrifce so I can sit and cry.

Dear god I've done nothing, will do nothing at this pace.

I'll ink this pen to death. I'll wake up tomorrow for no real reason.

I don't believe in god, but I know Darwin was wrong. I'm not fit to survive, baby I was born to die.

I'm not nostalgic enough to call you up but believe me I'm nostalgic enough to keep to myself. I'm learnin to live alone,

but I'm not even twenty. A few more months and my "cute sadness" won't look so funny.




01/23/11--00:51: Started my job at the hospital :) (chan 2166588)

first week is over i work the night shift 11pm until 7am. it's pretty easy and I get to play ds and watch tv. Alittle sad when the alzheimers patient i was watching started freaking out and screaming for his mom. Sorry about the grammar my keyboards all fucked up and i cant capitalize my i's unless i turn caps locks on and i'm way to lazy to do that everytime.




02/21/11--03:36: smoking, cancer, and the like (chan 2166588)

 I met a woman on a bridge while I was walking over it, she was inhaling Marlborough cigarettes and coughing blood in tiny fits.

She had an urn in her hand and her clothes were covered in ash. She asked if I would sit and smoke a cigarette with her and I 

obliged. "Someday I'll be just like him" she whispered and dumped the urn into the water. "How'd he die" I asked trying to

comfort her. "Cancer in the throat and lungs, he smoked two packs a day for his entire life." "Was he your husband?"

"He sure was, I'm trying to quit myself." she said with tears in her eyes. "How long have you smoked?" I asked.

"This is the first cigarette I've ever smoked" she cackled until the blood filled her throat.

 




02/23/11--05:06: Christmas in July ( I saw mommy kissing Santa!) (chan 2166588)

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.

It was Christmas in July, he pushed mommy down on the couch and she whispered "Please don't take my dignity."

And then she started to cry. Santa started hitting mommy, like she hit me sometimes. 

Mommy must've been a very bad girl this year.

It made me sad to watch my mommy cry, but all I wanted was my presents, so I pretended to be asleep.

I pretended to be asleep, all I ever do is pretend to be asleep. I think that night really changed mommy.

Santa Claus broke down our door, but I was fine with that, it was our fault anyway we didn't have a chimney.

Seven months later I finally got my Christmas present, I got the little brother that I always wanted, 

but he was to little and he died.




03/23/11--23:09: gunna go drive (chan 2166588)

really really fast, lets try to remember how to steer.




05/06/11--09:32: I'm sorry mama (chan 2166588)

Expect a call from the neighbors tonight all my asshole buddys are coming over and we're feeling a little to alright. Don't you worry I'll do all the talking when they turn on the flashing lights.